Oh My, I Hate My Job

Part II: Them.

Okay, I dealt with myself, a little in the last post. But what about them? They’re the cause of my stress.

Okay, what about their understanding?

They don’t try to understand me at all!

Well, we have a few options here. First off, we really need to get down to what you want. Do you want to deal with the problem, do you want a patch so you can get on with your work, or do you want to complain and just get some attention?

Before we delve into other people it’s helpful to get into something called “locus of control.”  Sounds daunting, very simple.

• Where do you have control?
• Where do you believe you have control?
• Where do you think you “should” have control?

In this case there are two locations.  You.  And them.

Do you really have control over their understanding?  Really?

“Well I think I should be…”

Ahh ah ahh.  Do you really have control over their understanding of anything?

Do you do their thinking for them?  Do you trigger the waves of neuronal pulses of electricity and neurochemical transmissions?  Do you?

Obviously not.  So you don’t have control of their understanding.  None.

So that touches on where you believe you have control.  You have control, most, over yourself.  What you think and what you communicate.

This of course leads to the “should.”  It’s been dealt with.  What will things be like if you believe you “should” have control over other people people’s level of understanding?

Stressful?  Frustrating?

Few things are more stressful than trying to control something you have no control over.  It’s like trying to control the pattern of the static on a channel of TV where there’s no signal.  Hope. Less.

Let’s assume you want to deal with the problem…

What’s important about others understanding you?

What do you mean by understanding? That’s a big one. Do you know what you mean? Or do you just expect people to figure you out? You’re an adult right, you don’t just think the world should adapt to you, right? You do know the world does its thing and you do your thing and often there’s a conflict and you have to adjust, right?  So if you don’t know what you mean, you can doubt anyone around you does.

Believe it or not, we’ve dealt with a major portion of your stress.  I know for me when I see that when I don’t feel impelled to force people to understand (to do something I cannot do) I don’t hate my job nearly as much.

Of course that’s not all.  I’m not going to just leave your there.  We’ll continue.