Oh My, I Hate My Job

This recent article in the NY Times goes directly to the bane of work and happiness.  Why do you hate your job? Expectations!

Lowered Expectations – NYTimes.com.

Danes seem to know instinctively that expectations kill happiness, leaving the rest of us unhappy un-Danes to sweat it out on the “hedonic treadmill.” That’s what researchers call the tendency to constantly ratchet up our expectations, a sort of emotional inflation that devalues today’s accomplishments and robs us of all but the most fleeting contentment. If a B-plus grade made us happy last semester, it’ll take an A-minus to register the same satisfaction this semester, and so on until eventually, inevitably, we fail to reach the next bar and slip into despair.

It’s here I’d like to introduce the difference between expectations and expectancy.  It’s covered in far more detail in the ebook.

Expectation

What is an expectation, in a general sense?  A mental image imposed upon others, yourself and/or the environment taken as a cosmic command to get that image fulfilled.

Really it’s three things intermingled.  The mental image, emotion and identity.  To have an expectation you have to have some image of some future arrangement of events.  It may be as vague as a warm fuzzy feeling coming out of a meeting to something as tangible as having an extra $500 on this months paycheck. Then there are feelings you glom onto that image.  Intense desire, confidence in it occurring, anger for it not having happened last month, fear, etc…  Finally there is the big bertha, identity.

What do I mean identity?  What I mean is you take your evaluation of getting what you want as an evaluation of yourself.  You take the two as equal.  I’m not saying it as clearly as I’d like, so I’ll use a metaphor.  Sports.  Your local sports team.  I’m in Chicago and it’s football season, American football, the one with the oblong that looks closer to a shoe than a ball.  If I’m a big fan then I equate the evaluation of the Chicago Bears with an evaluation of myself.

Chicago Bears = Me

If the Bears when, what does that mean?  It means I’ve won.  I’ve experienced a personal triumph.  If the Bears lose, I’ve lost.  Even though I’m sitting 5 miles away from the stadium half watching the game half checking my email.

Well it’s similar with expectations.  With expectations we take our evaluations of things going as expected as an evaluation of our self.  If we evaluate that our expectations are met or exceeded, we feel we’ve met or exceeded something.  If not, we feel we’ve been harmed or wronged somehow.

If a movie doesn’t meet my expectations then it’s insulted me.  I get angry because it’s harmed me (how, I’ve not quite figured that one out).

So when you combine a lot of emotion, a lot of “ooooooo it’s gotta go my way, I really really want this” with “what I expect = ME” you’re bound to get significant distress.

Expectancy

Expectancy is having an understanding of both what you would like to happen as well as a curiosity as to what may happen.

So expectation = mental image x emotion x identity

Expectancy = mental image + curiosity

Expectancy is where you have a lot less emotion glommed onto the result going your way.  Instead you displace that emotion into curiosity as what actually will happen.

So here’s a major difference between the two, how you see things turn out, as things are turning out.

With expectations you are seeing things through the filter of what you REALLY want and your identity.  Expectancy, has less of a filter (you always have a filter) because you are watching what’s actually happening to see how it turns out.

So perhaps a better way to say things is this.  With expectation you assume a posture of judging the situation.  With expectancy your posture is observing the situation.

Generally, observing is much less stressful than judging.

Generally, expectancy trumps expectation.  Because…

Expectation = entitlement

Expectation – I was told by someone whom I was told was an authority, therefore I believed what they said and I formed a mental image of what I wanted and I glommed on quite a bit of emotion to having it and I saw myself having that result and I evaluate my own value by how close I get that result.

The result occurs and my own evaluation of my worth and status is reflected 1:1 by my evaluation of the situation to my mental image.  So, assuming things fell short…I’d stew and fret, feel thwarted and resent.

Expectancy would say, “Oooo, that was unexpected,” and would immediately adapt to the new situation.

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